As a child, I had a painful experience in school with bullying and a worse experience with my own self image. Teasing is a part of childhood, but sometimes, things can, admittedly, go too far. Because of my weight issues and a resulting lack of self confidence, I changed schools in false hopes for a better social situation, several times. After each failure, I would reach the conclusion that I was unfit in every way. Socializing became a painful experience. In one school, I tried remaining absolutely silent, and would only speak once spoken to. Because I weighed clear over 120lbs in fourth grade, and was drastically taller than my classmates, my silence actually worked against me. Soon rumors were floating around that I had been kicked out of my last school for fighting. Some kids thought I must be a bully. (Talk about painful irony) And of course, the real bullies, well, they knew that I was meek. This pattern continued, including changing schools, until I reached high school. This portion of my life was : THE EPIPHANY.
I had always hid myself from any form of attention. In fact, saying my name in front of the class, aloud, was enough to make me break a sweat and find a nice private time to puke out of nervousness. However, once I reached high school, the world seemed to reverse direction.
My parents had divorced in middle school, but who's didn't? I had continued on in my life, one of three children, and had found my niche as the biggest wall flower that ever lived. This, though, was MISERABLE. I was MISERABLE. In eighth grade, I had had enough. My oldest sister had been sent to a rehabilitation center to deal with her own issues, my second to oldest sister was focusing on sports, and I ... well.. what was I doing???
By this point in time, I had years of social commentary built up in my head, with absolutely zero release from it. I didn't know how to speak to people, and why would they ever want to talk to me, anyhow? They wouldn't. What could I do instead? I COULD ACCOMPLISH MY DREAM OF BEING ANYONE OTHER THAN ME!
My freshmen year in high school, my schedule had been ruined, and I had been placed in a beginning acting class. Upon seeing this, I first, choked, hyperventilated, became angry, and then... embraced it. From the first monologue I ever performed, I was hooked. I knew that I wanted to do this, I wanted to pretend to be anyone other than me, and this would be my outlet to do so. Throughout the following years in high school, I lived through my acting class, and, although painful and nerve shattering, I loved every moment of it. Eventually, by my junior year, I decided I needed to branch away from acting, itself. I had developed enough social skills, and loved to keep my friends laughing. (Yes, by this point, socializing was simple, and I found that I could converse with nearly everyone.) It was this point in my life when I finally realized that I had a gift and people would let me in. It was that simple, but that difficult for others. We all had walls up. Each and every one of us has a fear and yet we each have a gift, at least one! Realizing this, blew my MIND!
BAMBOOZLED:
One day at lunch, a friend of mine brought me to a room on campus. This area was a place I never ventured, previously. To my knowledge, this area of school was where the artsy kids hung out. I was a floater, and hung out, now, with any and every one but I never stayed too long. For some reason the room was dark, and suddenly she pushed me in. I was nervous and there was a blinding spotlight in the center of the room, the center where I was pushed. Behind a red light at the back I heard a voice saying, monotonously, "What's your name and the name of your piece?"
"What?"
"What's your name and the name of the piece you're doing?"
I understood. It was an audition. And in that moment, my life changed, again.
"I'm Rachelle, and I don't have a poem or a song, I'm just here to share a few thoughts, I think..." And so I began. I had never done stand up comedy before, and I had no idea how to begin. This, I thought, was a good start. Fortunately for me, what I said that day, was to be used later in a school-wide show. Over the course of three days, I performed in front of almost 2000 people. The best part? They liked it. They loved it. They laughed!
At the time, I didn't realize that I had done anything spectacular. I did, however, for once, feel alive, and noticed, in a good way. After the show ended, and during the last two months of school, it felt like every kid on campus, and teacher for that matter, knew my name. Maybe it really was that way. I would go to the store, drive down the street, or walk down the hall, and someone would be shouting my name, better yet... they would be quoting my stand up! This continued throughout my senior year, as I performed in every school show I could, and ended up hosting that very show that I had started in, as my farewell to the school. In the end, I felt confident, and creative. I had discovered my version of ART THERAPY, something that probably saved my life. During those years, I was angry and disappointed in my physical self, and tried diets and workouts and everything I could, but at least I had something to make me happy while passing the time. When I left the school, my last show was not one of stand up, but instead, a poem. Slam poetry, if you get a chance, is a great expressive tool, and a fun hobby as well. I took it up for my last performance, and in a bitter sweet farewell, gained a different version of approval, and surprisingly, some apologies for words against me that I had already long forgiven. **It didn't hurt that I still graduated class clown and got to take a quick, silly picture (^-^) <---which was nice because I never took my senior picture, I hated to be a mountain of fat and pose so long((and end with such disastrous results))
My point is this: EACH AND EVERY INDIVIDUAL HAS FEAR, FLAWS, WEAKNESS, AND WALLS. .... BUT.... IN AN EFFORT TOGETHER, AND IN A TRUE EFFORT OF OUR OWN SPIRIT.... WE CAN CONQUER ANYTHING!
So, it took me my entire life, until I graduated high school, to realize the above factoid. ^^^
What then, Rachelle?
That... will be the moment where this Hero's Journey truly begins. I've heard the call to adventure... and next installment... will be the moment I cross the threshold, because folks, once you grasp determination, glue it, hold it, fuse it, and never ever, let it go.
Until then, this is Rachelle Tell giving you the truth.
Be good to yourself, be good to others, and have a good day ;)
I had always hid myself from any form of attention. In fact, saying my name in front of the class, aloud, was enough to make me break a sweat and find a nice private time to puke out of nervousness. However, once I reached high school, the world seemed to reverse direction.
My parents had divorced in middle school, but who's didn't? I had continued on in my life, one of three children, and had found my niche as the biggest wall flower that ever lived. This, though, was MISERABLE. I was MISERABLE. In eighth grade, I had had enough. My oldest sister had been sent to a rehabilitation center to deal with her own issues, my second to oldest sister was focusing on sports, and I ... well.. what was I doing???
By this point in time, I had years of social commentary built up in my head, with absolutely zero release from it. I didn't know how to speak to people, and why would they ever want to talk to me, anyhow? They wouldn't. What could I do instead? I COULD ACCOMPLISH MY DREAM OF BEING ANYONE OTHER THAN ME!
My freshmen year in high school, my schedule had been ruined, and I had been placed in a beginning acting class. Upon seeing this, I first, choked, hyperventilated, became angry, and then... embraced it. From the first monologue I ever performed, I was hooked. I knew that I wanted to do this, I wanted to pretend to be anyone other than me, and this would be my outlet to do so. Throughout the following years in high school, I lived through my acting class, and, although painful and nerve shattering, I loved every moment of it. Eventually, by my junior year, I decided I needed to branch away from acting, itself. I had developed enough social skills, and loved to keep my friends laughing. (Yes, by this point, socializing was simple, and I found that I could converse with nearly everyone.) It was this point in my life when I finally realized that I had a gift and people would let me in. It was that simple, but that difficult for others. We all had walls up. Each and every one of us has a fear and yet we each have a gift, at least one! Realizing this, blew my MIND!
BAMBOOZLED:
One day at lunch, a friend of mine brought me to a room on campus. This area was a place I never ventured, previously. To my knowledge, this area of school was where the artsy kids hung out. I was a floater, and hung out, now, with any and every one but I never stayed too long. For some reason the room was dark, and suddenly she pushed me in. I was nervous and there was a blinding spotlight in the center of the room, the center where I was pushed. Behind a red light at the back I heard a voice saying, monotonously, "What's your name and the name of your piece?"
"What?"
"What's your name and the name of the piece you're doing?"
I understood. It was an audition. And in that moment, my life changed, again.
"I'm Rachelle, and I don't have a poem or a song, I'm just here to share a few thoughts, I think..." And so I began. I had never done stand up comedy before, and I had no idea how to begin. This, I thought, was a good start. Fortunately for me, what I said that day, was to be used later in a school-wide show. Over the course of three days, I performed in front of almost 2000 people. The best part? They liked it. They loved it. They laughed!
At the time, I didn't realize that I had done anything spectacular. I did, however, for once, feel alive, and noticed, in a good way. After the show ended, and during the last two months of school, it felt like every kid on campus, and teacher for that matter, knew my name. Maybe it really was that way. I would go to the store, drive down the street, or walk down the hall, and someone would be shouting my name, better yet... they would be quoting my stand up! This continued throughout my senior year, as I performed in every school show I could, and ended up hosting that very show that I had started in, as my farewell to the school. In the end, I felt confident, and creative. I had discovered my version of ART THERAPY, something that probably saved my life. During those years, I was angry and disappointed in my physical self, and tried diets and workouts and everything I could, but at least I had something to make me happy while passing the time. When I left the school, my last show was not one of stand up, but instead, a poem. Slam poetry, if you get a chance, is a great expressive tool, and a fun hobby as well. I took it up for my last performance, and in a bitter sweet farewell, gained a different version of approval, and surprisingly, some apologies for words against me that I had already long forgiven. **It didn't hurt that I still graduated class clown and got to take a quick, silly picture (^-^) <---which was nice because I never took my senior picture, I hated to be a mountain of fat and pose so long((and end with such disastrous results))
My point is this: EACH AND EVERY INDIVIDUAL HAS FEAR, FLAWS, WEAKNESS, AND WALLS. .... BUT.... IN AN EFFORT TOGETHER, AND IN A TRUE EFFORT OF OUR OWN SPIRIT.... WE CAN CONQUER ANYTHING!
So, it took me my entire life, until I graduated high school, to realize the above factoid. ^^^
What then, Rachelle?
That... will be the moment where this Hero's Journey truly begins. I've heard the call to adventure... and next installment... will be the moment I cross the threshold, because folks, once you grasp determination, glue it, hold it, fuse it, and never ever, let it go.
Until then, this is Rachelle Tell giving you the truth.
Be good to yourself, be good to others, and have a good day ;)
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